Turning Left Swipes into Right Swipes with Certified Dating Coach Elsa Moreck
Online dating can be almost painful at times. Most have fallen victim to “phone face.” The moment when you’re laying in bed having swiped for hours and, suddenly, your phone crashes onto your face. Can you tell we’re speaking from personal experience?
To save your face and heart, we spoke with certified dating and relationship expert, Elsa Moreck. Keep reading to unpack Elsa’s personal story and discover four essential tips for dating in the “swiping era.”
What was once Elsa’s survival tactic transformed into a deep-rooted passion for dissecting interpersonal dynamics to build meaningful relationships. Her childhood was spent overcoming bullying as her family traveled from the United States to Lebanon, then Japan. All were radically different countries with distinct social customs and norms. Elsa relentlessly studied social dynamics to make a place for herself in society. Over time, friends observed her knack for dating and regularly sought relationship advice.
In 2018, Elsa decided to formalize her “intuitive wisdom.” A year later, she launched her company that focuses on helping millennials find love in the swiping era. Elsa believes “social media and dating apps are just introduction tools” and that, “the algorithm — which shows you people in your vicinity that you might have interest in — is the equivalent of your friend introducing you to someone.” With a touch of strategy, Elsa supports her clients in showing up authentically online, so they may enjoy the thrills of genuine connection offline. We broke down her top 4 lessons for successful online dating.
Tip #1: Yes, non-verbal communication is still a thing
Dating apps are not immune to the power of non-verbal communication. You’ve probably heard the saying “a picture is worth a thousand words.” Well, it is! Elsa teaches her clients how to read body language when selecting photos for their profiles. The idea is to tell the story you intend to share. While talking to Elsa, we learned that something as simple as whether or not your thumb is in or outside your pockets can alter someone’s perception of you. Thumb inside comes across as insecure whereas thumb outside conveys confidence. Another silent messenger is posture. “When you are introducing yourself in a picture, if you’re hunched over, you’re already telling a story about your confidence. However, if you have your chest splayed out and your neck elongated, and you’re looking directly into the camera, that’s a sign of confidence,” claims Elsa. Sounds like it’s time for a photoshoot!
Tip #2: Express your multifaceted self to portray the full experience
It’s okay to show off your “good side,” but make sure to represent your multifaceted self. Most of Elsa’s clients, particularly the women, are impacted by the pressure to accentuate the sexual part of themselves. There’s nothing wrong with leading with your physicality, but it shouldn’t detract from parts of your personality that are worth falling in love with. Highlighting your quirkiness is how you stand out from the crowd — it’s how you turn left swipes right swipes. Choose your platform mindfully. For example, Hinge is better than Tinder at encouraging you to share meaningful information. If the platform includes prompts, be sure to answer them in a way that gives someone a clear picture of the “experience” they can expect to have with you. Add some flavor — sugar, and spice!
Tip #3: Be authentically human
The pressure to present our “perfect selves” often results in us acting outside of our authentic selves. Say you just secured a match. They ask, “how you are doing?” You lie. According to Elsa, if you had answered honestly, it might have gone something like this: “I’m currently on my second slice of cake that I really wish I wasn’t eating because my stomach’s already starting to hurt, but it feels like the right time to satisfy my inner fat child.” Vulnerability is powerful in an age when authenticity is hard to come by. Elsa tells her clients to “focus less on impressing and more on connecting.” You can’t be fully present when you’re monitoring yourself. Dating apps provide a great opportunity to practice speaking your truth and living your values in real-time. There is a brief window to establish raw communication as your baseline — don’t let it pass you by.
Tip #4: This isn’t a game
Stop racking up the likes and denying yourself real connection. Finding a partner is not a game. Most of us will admit to enjoying the high of matching with someone. We might also relate to the emptiness of an inbox filled with matches and zero meaningful conversations. This can be overwhelming, and understandably so. Elsa shared that “the human mind is not designed to handle more than 9 options at a time.” She challenges her clients to use discernment and pursue no more than 8 quality matches at once. Otherwise, you risk “getting jaded and exhausted in the process” and “by the time you come across that one person who could have been a good match, you won’t have the energy or the attitude to welcome them into your life.”
Bottom line: finding your next partner isn’t a game, be intentional. Save your face and warm your heart.
If you enjoyed Elsa Moreck’s advice, be sure to follow her on social media. She has a new book coming out that’s sure to be an even better read!